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Forget Munich, Harry. You should have come to Ashton (salary £125 a week – plus a £5 goal

admin — Fri, 18 Aug 2023 16:19:39 +0000

NOWHERE TO RUN

by Jonathan Sayer (Bantam £16.99, 256pp)

If you sometimes feel a little wearied by endless newspaper reports of barely-known football players picking up gazillions as they move from club to elite club, then this heart-warming, genuinely funny little book is just the thing to lift the spirits.

This is the beautiful game unseen by TV cameras, Gary Lineker or Sky Sports, down there in the seventh tier of English football.

This is the world of meat and potato pies and hot Bovril on chilly winter nights, rather than the roar of a private jet as it lands with a new player; it’s the world where your coveted striker turns up on crutches; or where you’re running out of match balls because one furious neighbour who supports a rival football team refuses to return them when they’re kicked into her back yard.

Jonathan Sayer (pictured) is an actor and award-winning comedy playwright, and one of the team behind the hilarious series of long-running shows such as The Play That Goes Wrong

Welcome to Ashton United, one of our oldest clubs, founded in 1878. This is the world of semi-pro, non-League football, a world of losing and occasionally winning, but it’s also the world of mud and nettles beloved by vast numbers of football fans all over the country.

Jonathan Sayer is an actor and award-winning comedy playwright, and one of the team behind the hilarious series of long-running shows such as The Play That Goes Wrong. So he knows how to tell a joke.

His family has had a long connection with Ashton: his grandfather played more than 400 games for the club, more than anyone else, and his father holds the record for most bookings and sendings off in a season, including thumping one half-back who asked mid-match if he could date Sayer’s mother.

He fell in love with the game at the age of eight, and eventually decided to buy the club with his father. Nowhere To Run is an account of their first year in charge.

Money, of course, is always a problem. A gate of a few hundred is a result, and season ticket sales are peaking at 32. Harry Kane might be on £400,000 a week at his new club Bayern Munich; for Sayer’s Ashton, one hyped new recruit starts by demanding Premier League wages, but settles for £125 a week and a £5 goal bonus.

The record club signing is £2,000 for ‘Bruno’ Billings from bitter local rivals Curzon Ashton.

He fell in love with the game at the age of eight, and eventually decided to buy the club with his father. Nowhere To Run is an account of their first year in charge

Sayer and his father have to plough in large amounts of their own money, including for salaries, a batch of new home and away kits, and, due to an ordering cock-up, more than 600 pairs of socks. At one nearby club, where the chairman was a butcher, players were often paid in meat.

He also has to get the supporters onside. Forget about football he is told, take up a hobby like birdwatching or pottery. A rumour goes round that he wants to drop John Smith’s beer from the taps in the club bar. A rebel group of furious octogenarian supporters launch a militant campaign ‘Save Our Smiths’. But how to get the fans in?

Record attendance was back in 1880, and Ashton is in an area of Greater Manchester that has more non-League football clubs per square kilometre than GP surgeries, fire stations and mega supermarkets combined.

It’s also just a few miles from one of the world’s wealthiest and most successful clubs, Manchester City. But, on the bright side, as Sayer points out, the highlights of the area include an Asda, a Texaco garage and a banging tandoori.

He starts to pull in favours to generate sponsorship and pitchside advertising, including one from old performing friends, Las Vegas magicians Penn & Teller, despite them performing more than 5,000 miles away from Ashton-under-Lyne.

Like all semi-pro clubs, Ashton is dependent on countless volunteers working themselves to the bone for their club, and fuelling non-League clubs up and down the country. Here is Dale, a lorry driver who chain smokes roll-ups, who is also the club secretary, groundskeeper, deputy kitman, reserve team manager and assistant spongeman (whatever that is: Sayer still doesn’t know). His wife, Sue, runs the tea hut and his son, Simon, organises traffic control on match day.

The ground can only be watered with a garden hose run from the bar, which doesn’t stretch past the halfway line, so after a dry summer, one half of the pitch is a lush green, the other is burnt brown and dry. But when it’s frozen in winter they have to melt the ice using hairdryers. Though not the Alex Ferguson kind.

Still, it is all about the players, and the one thing the owners can’t control: what happens on the pitch.

For one game, in Chester, the team convinced a credulous young newcomer that he couldn’t get into Wales without a passport, so he should hide in the car boot to cross the border. But when they get there they can’t open the boot and he has to spend the match locked inside a Nissan Micra.

Meanwhile, Sayer’s club briefly hit world headlines with a tweet saying they were trying to sign Norwegian super-striker Erling Haaland. The tweet was eventually seen by 40 million people — but Haaland didn’t come. He went to Manchester City instead!

This being a true account of a year in charge, there is no helpful Hollywood story arc: Ashton don’t make it into an FA Cup semi-final against Liverpool, for example. Nor do they gain promotion.

Some they win, some they lose. But as Sayer says, non-League football is good for the soul. It is full of remarkable people doing remarkable things for the love of the game.

And for Sayer, he has found a sense of belonging that is hard to come by. And who wouldn’t raise a glass of John Smith’s to that?

Revolut’s global goal thrown into jeopardy

admin — Sun, 14 May 2023 18:29:03 +0000

Revolut’s global goal thrown into jeopardy: Fears mount that UK battle to acquire banking licence may scupper expansion strategy

Fintech firm has been waiting for approval for more than two years
Repeatedly said it was on the cusp of getting the green light
Insiders now fear difficulties could make foreign regulators nervous

By Luke Barr And Patrick Tooher, Financial Mail On Sunday

Published: 16:50 EDT, 13 May 2023 | Updated: 04:01 EDT, 14 May 2023

Revolut’s global ambitions are hanging in the balance as the financial services group struggles to secure a prestigious British banking licence.

The UK’s most valuable fintech firm has been waiting for approval for more than two years – despite repeatedly saying it was on the cusp of getting the green light.

Insiders now fear the difficulties could make foreign regulators nervous and that their decisions will hinge on the outcome of Revolut’s efforts to win over British officials. A final decision on the licence is expected within weeks.

It follows a series of embarrassing setbacks for the company in recent months – including the departure of its finance chief and a warning from its auditor that its delayed accounts may have been ‘materially misstated’.

Frustrations boiled over last week when co-founder Nik Storonsky lashed out at officials, saying it had been a ‘long and tiring’ process and that Revolut would no longer consider a stock market float in the UK.

In the balance: The UK’s most valuable fintech firm has been waiting for approval for more than two years

A senior source close to the firm later said the company was still in talks with UK regulators.

But there were growing concerns about the ‘knock-on effects’ of the troubles in the UK and whether they could damage efforts to win licences abroad.

Revolut had already been rubber-stamped in Europe, through a licence secured in Lithuania, but it has also been eyeing other countries including the US and Singapore.

David Jarvis, the boss of Griffin, a newly authorised UK bank, said Revolut would struggle to gain licences elsewhere if its application was ultimately unsuccessful in the UK. ‘Other regulators will definitely be watching the Bank of England,’ Jarvis said. ‘It is a highly credible and respected regulator.’

Revolut was set up in London in 2015 by former Credit Suisse and Lehman Brothers trader Storonsky, 38, and Vlad Yatsenko, 39.

The group, which started as a pre-paid currency exchange card, now has 28 million customers worldwide and operates in more than 200 countries and regions.

In the UK it has been regulated as an electronic money institution, which restricts what it can provide. But it still offers a range of services.

Customers can open an account via its app and have a debit card.

They can access resources, including foreign exchange, pet insurance and holiday home rentals, while users can also trade cryptocurrencies, stock and gold.

A UK banking licence would allow it to hold customer deposits and lend money – which is becoming more lucrative as interest rates rise.

Licence applications need to be approved by two regulators – the Financial Conduct Authority and the Bank of England’s Prudential Regulation Authority. Revolut was a darling of the UK’s tech scene for years and has been hailed as a ‘shining’ success by Chancellor Jeremy Hunt. It attracted City heavyweights such as fund management veteran Martin Gilbert, who is Revolut’s chairman.

But it has suffered a series of blows this year as a slew of senior members of staff have left.

Finance boss Mikko Salovaara stepped down last week for ‘personal reasons’, while its UK banking chief James Radford resigned in March and group chief operating officer Michal Laube left in February.

Salovaara’s departure came just two months after the group published its financial accounts.

These showed that the company turned a profit in 2021 – but its auditor issued an alert that a chunk of its revenues may have been ‘materially mis-stated’.

At the time, Salovaara insisted that Revolut was on course to get a UK banking licence ‘any day now’.

A Revolut insider blamed staff retention issues on the regulatory hold-up. It was claimed that the business ‘can’t really get going’ until it receives full approval, which has caused internal frustration.

The firm also suffered a setback in April when investor Schroders valued it at £14 billion, which was a far cry from the £27 billion price tag it boasted in its last funding round in 2021.

Analysts said rather than reject Revolut’s application outright, the Bank of England may ask it to withdraw its application instead.

Revolut declined to comment.

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Christian Benteke’s BICYCLE KICK purpose leads Wayne Rooney’s DC United to 3rd straight

admin — Sun, 30 Apr 2023 04:39:46 +0000

Christian Benteke’s BICYCLE KICK goal leads Wayne Rooney’s DC United to third straight win as they defeat Charlotte FC 3-0

Christian Benteke scored his fifth goal of the season in stunning fashion
His goal doubled DC’s lead with 15 minutes plus stoppage time remaining
DailyMail.com provides all the latest international sports news

By Jake Nisse For Dailymail.Com

Published: 22:12 EDT, 29 April 2023 | Updated: 22:12 EDT, 29 April 2023

Christian Benteke doubled DC United’s lead Saturday night in acrobatic fashion, converting a bicycle kick against Charlotte FC as the team won at home.

The goal came in the 75th minute after teammate Andy Najar lumped a ball into the box and Derrick Williams won a header towards Benteke.

Charlotte’s Harrison Afful got to the ball first, but his header went barely ahead of Benteke, and the former Crystal Palace striker adjusted his body to get in the air and score with the overhead kick.

Benteke’s goal came between finishes from Taxi Fountas and Jacob Greene in the 34th and 95th minute respectively.

It was Benteke’s fifth in nine starts this season.

Christian Benteke got airborne to double DC United’s lead vs. Charlotte FC on Saturday

DC United forward Taxi Fountas celebrates with Christian Benteke after scoring a penalty

While Fountas scored from the penalty spot for his second goal of the season, 20-year-old Greene’s goal in second half stoppage time was the first of his budding career.

The win was the third straight for a team that is finding its feet under Wayne Rooney.

After winning one of its first seven games, DC United has beaten Montreal, Orlando and now Charlotte in succession to climb up the table.

Rooney became the team’s manager last July, replacing Hernan Losada, but couldn’t prevent the team from finishing last in the Eastern Conferene.