Q My sister and I have had a week in a time-share in Spain for many years. We have children of similar ages and our two families have always gone there together every October half-term. 

However, this year, our eldest daughter, who is 14, says she doesn’t want to go. 

The problem is my sister’s son – her cousin – who is a year older. They just don’t get on any more. Our daughter is still quite young emotionally and hasn’t really discovered boys, parties or alcohol. 

She is still happy to do things with us and gets on well with her sister and her younger female cousin. 

My nephew is the opposite. Occasionally, he can be quite good (amusing) company but often he’s a typical monosyllabic teenager – moody, scruffy, swearing, rude to my sister and trying to be cool. 

I know she has problems with him drinking and smoking. When we went to stay with them a few months ago, my eldest daughter was very upset because they went to a party that got out of control and at which her cousin pressured her to try vodka. I had to collect her in tears. 

I think we should back out of the holiday this year, but my sister is upset and says her daughter will be very disappointed if her cousins don’t come. She believes the two eldest children can just ignore each other. I think she also wants my moral support.

What should we do?

A This is so difficult as you are torn in different directions. You are clearly close to your sister so it must feel sad for you both that your eldest children have, at the moment, turned out to be chalk and cheese. 

I understand your daughter not wanting to go. She is at a fragile and sensitive age and the prospect of being on holiday with her elder cousin is daunting. 

You could decide to miss it this time and see if things have changed next year. However, there is also a danger that if she doesn’t go, she might feel less capable of dealing with such problems in future. 

So, with your husband, ask if she feels she could manage to spend time with her sister and other cousin – if all the adults ensure her elder cousin cannot bully her. Make sure you really listen to her needs, though. 

I am not sure it will be an easy holiday for anyone as your nephew sounds difficult. I’m sure your sister finds him a struggle and I wonder if her husband feels the same and whether he is supportive. 

Sadly, there is a perception that smoking and drinking are ‘just what kids do’ at 15. However, both activities are illegal until 18 as they present serious health risks. 

Public health charity Ash warns that the younger someone smokes the greater the risk of dependency and mortality. 

You and your sister could contact youngminds.org.uk or family-action.org.uk for tips on how to help each child and each other.

Is my work success driving my husband away? 

Q I have been married for 12 years to a man I consider my soulmate. We’re both in our mid-40s and have never had children. Our relationship has always been loving and strong and our sex life fantastic. 

Recently, however, things have tailed off, with my husband saying he’s too tired to make love. I know couples go through less ‘physical’ phases, but this is not who we are. 

The last time we tried he was unable to go through with it. I am devastated. It all changed shortly after I was promoted to a senior position at work – with me now earning more than my husband. 

I did ask him if this was what was getting in the way of sex and he sniped back that not everything was about my wonderful career. 

I know we should have counselling, but I am shocked to think that is where we’ve got to.

A As old-fashioned as it may seem, unfortunately some men do still feel very threatened, even emasculated, by their wife earning more than them. 

It’s so unnecessary – and it’s sad for you that he cannot be supportive and celebrate your success. But yes, you do need to bite the bullet and suggest counselling because there is clearly more to this. 

Perhaps he is miserable at work and desperately wants to leave but fears this would reduce him further. He might feel that you will stop loving him if he is not as successful as you. He may have other worries. Either way, he is unhappy. 

Gently explain how much you love him (always start with this) and how happy you have always been with him. Say you are concerned that he is unhappy and you are anxious, wondering if he still loves you.

Try relate.org.uk or cosrt.org.uk.

• If you have a problem, write to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. You can follow Caroline on Twitter @Ask_Caroline_ 

David Foster reveals how his family with Katharine McPhee are coping after shock death of son’s nanny in horror crash: ‘It’s been tough’

By Adam S. Levy For Dailymail.com

Published: 22:44 EDT, 14 September 2023 | Updated: 02:35 EDT, 15 September 2023

A family who paid £4,000 for a ‘holiday from hell’ at a Rhodes resort say they have been left furious after TUI told them it would not be offering any compensation despite claiming they had to endure bug-filled rooms.

Kimberley Tooth, her husband Stephen, and daughter Sarah, from Hatton, Warwickshire, said they paid just under £4,000 to stay at the Lydia Maris hotel on the Greek island of Rhodes at the start of July.

But they said what should have been an idyllic trip turned sour when, on two occasions, they were served raw food and left with an infestation of flying ants and bugs swarming their accommodation. 

The family say they had no choice but to move into different hotel rooms and eat at restaurants elsewhere.

Sleepless nights and a huge bill for eating out followed, but the family claim TUI has refused them any compensation on the grounds they had rejected an offer for compensation during their stay at the resort.

Kimberley said: ‘Our holiday was ruined. It was horrific. I’ve stopped in two-star hotels before that were better than this. I’m disgusted with TUI. 

‘It’s not even the money that we’re bothered about, it’s the fact that we’ve not even had an apology and they’ve not looked into it.’

The eleven-night trip, which started on July 1, was going swimmingly until the first morning when Kimberley described the breakfast as ‘stone cold’ and inedible. She says she gave it the ‘benefit of the doubt’ as a minor blip.

But that night, on returning for dinner, Kimberley’s husband Stephen, 38, cut into some roast chicken which she described as ‘bleeding, pink and still raw’.

The family complained to the chef, but claim they were turned away and told that the chicken was ‘meant to be like that’.

That evening, they claim they went back to their room to find flying ants everywhere. In the middle of the night, Kimberley says a centipede crawled across her daughter’s face.

The family complained to the receptionist but say they were told that there were no spare rooms left so they couldn’t be moved elsewhere. Instead, they say, they were told someone would be sent to fumigate the apartment.

The following evening, however, the apartment remained infested, says Kimberley, 35, with ‘dead insects absolutely everywhere’.

Her 16-year-old daughter, frightened, didn’t sleep at night and would instead sleep on the sun loungers during the day, restricting the family to spending much of their holiday at the resort.

On the third day, having eaten out for the previous two nights after the incident with the chicken, the family opted to return to the hotel for an evening meal.

But they say they suffered the same misfortune as on the first night – claiming the minced beef was pink in the middle. They claim they were again told by a chef that there was nothing wrong with the food.

Kimberley says she herself suffered with an upset stomach on one of the nights. For the rest of the holiday, they purchased food elsewhere – setting them back another 500 euros (£430).

They then complained to a holiday rep and were moved from the infested room to a room Kimberley described as ‘really dated’.

She says the rep told her he’d have to contact the head office to resolve the complaint after the holiday.

With the Rhodes wildfires erupting just a week or so after their return to England, Kimberley said that while the family hadn’t heard anything regarding their trip, they understood that the fires would have been top priority for the company.

But then she received an email, almost a month later, which said: ‘I can see that you were offered compensation in resort that you have chosen not to accept. On this occasion, we will not be able to offer any compensation but we greatly appreciate your feedback.’

Mrs Tooth emailed back to allege that they had not been offered the refund in question.

But a response from TUI then said: ‘Thank you for your email. From reviewing the complaint and speaking to the necessary members of staff we will not be able to offer any compensation. If you are not happy with the outcome of the complaint then you can see further advice from ABTA (Association of British Travel Agents).’

TUI has been approached for comment.

The family of under-fire Spanish FA boss Luis Rubiales have hit back at claims he is a sexist – and insisted he is a loving man who is respectful of women and only guilty of ‘excessive euphoria‘.

They spoke out after a bombshell interview with Rubiales‘ uncle Juan who claimed football chief Luis is ‘arrogant’ and ‘obsessed with luxury and money’ after his notorious kiss on the lips of World Cup winning player Jenni Hermoso.

The family also gave MailOnline new pictures of Luis – who has been suspended by FIFA over the furore – which they say show the real man, who is caring and respectful.

The family member told us: ‘All he was guilty of is excessive euphoria, nothing else, there was no sexual assault and for Jenni and everyone else to say he assaulted her is ridiculous, it couldn’t be further from the truth.’

The source insists that there is a ‘witch hunt’ against him which is unfair – and that he is ‘nothing like’ the person his uncle described.

The family has closed ranks to defend him against mounting pressure for him to quit his job.

Rubiales’ mother, Angeles Bejar, 72, was so determined to fight for him she even locked herself in a church in their hometown of Motril and went on a three-day hunger strike before being taken to hospital.

Former hairdresser Angeles had said she planned to stay inside the Divina Pastora church ‘indefinitely, day and night’ over the ‘inhumane and bloodthirsty treatment’ of her son.

She has now been discharged and Rubiales, 46, has asked his family to keep quiet in a bid to dampen down the firestorm that has surrounded him since the ‘Kissgate’ scandal erupted at the end of the Women’s World Cup final against England in Sydney last month.

But one relative – who asked not to be named – handed MailOnline photos from the family album where Rubiales can be seen taking part in parties and celebrations, playing the part of a loving dad, uncle and cousin.

The family source said: ‘This has all been created from nothing and is so unfair for Luis. Everyone thinks he is sexist misogynist, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

‘He has three daughters for goodness’ sake, they are his pride and joy, so he knows how to respect women.

‘Look at the pictures, he is a loving man, he adores his family and he respects women. Spain has just won the World Cup final, I think a little celebration is in order, don’t you?

‘Jenni said nothing about an assault until several days after. She was even seen in footage from the bus laughing and joking and now she says it was assault and she is offended.

‘Please, what planet are we on? Where does this nonsense come from. He is getting lynched on a global scale and it’s just not fair.

‘All we want is for Jenni to tell the truth, why is she only complaining now? Ok, fine maybe it is wrong but does he deserve all this. He is being crucified for just a little kiss.

‘He is a very affectionate man. Whenever he visits his family, he is always giving us kisses because he is a very expressive man.

‘It’s just a lynching from feminists and politicians who are looking to make a storm out of nothing – if she felt she was being attacked she certainly didn’t seem to show it.’

Rubiales, who slammed his critics as ‘idiots and stupid people’ at a press conference last Friday, has faced calls from regional FA leaders to step down but has so far refused, although today a ruling is expected from the country’s sporting tribunal on his future.

A father of three says he was forced to pay £3,000 and drive more than 1,100 miles across six countries in order to join his family holiday after falling victim to a little-known passport rule. 

Peter Holt, 50, says he was one of three people turned away at the boarding gate for a flight to Croatia from the UK because his passport was out of date, despite it not expiring until next year. 

Before the UK left the EU, valid British passport holders could freely travel across the EU even if their passport expired the day after their return. 

But since 2021, UK passport holders travelling to any EU country will be denied entry if their passport was issued ten years previously, even if it still has extra months left.

Peter got his passport in July 2013 and was able to carry over unexpired months, giving the expiry of March 2024.

But post-Brexit rules, which he had no idea about, brought this forward to July 2023.

The financial planning consultant watched on in dismay as his wife Claire, 46, took their two sons Rocky, eight, and Axel and Hunter, both six, and flew to Croatia on an easyJet flight.

He says that no one had flagged his passport issue until he was at the airport.  

‘We had booked the holiday in February, and it said nothing about an issue with the passport then.

‘I had my boarding pass, been through bag check, passport control, yet now at the final stage I was turned away,

‘It just didn’t – and still doesn’t – make sense.’

The determined dad, from Surrey, was forced to drive his Mini Cooper 1,102 miles to Croatia, cutting through France, Germany, Austria and Slovenia before finally joining his family two days later in Croatia. 

‘I bought my ticket to pass through the Channel Tunnel and set off on my journey,

‘The crazy thing is both the English and French border control teams at the crossing accepted my passport adding further mystery to the tale.’

Peter drove around 500 miles on the first day of his journey stopping in Strasbourg, France at 10pm at a Hilton hotel.

He turned on Find My iPhone tracking services so his family could follow him on his continental journey.

He then drove the remaining 608 miles through Germany, Austria, and Slovenia in 12 hours to meet his family at their hotel in Pula at 8pm.

‘My kids, wife, and I were just elated that I had made it there in such a short period, of time’ he said.

‘And to only miss two days of our two-week holiday was just brilliant.’

While he missed out on some of his holiday, he managed to get a spot of sightseeing in. 

He said: ‘As sad as the situation was, the trip was fantastic, the roads were smooth, the scenery was fantastic, and driving through mainland Europe was just beautiful.

‘I saw signs for places I had seen on the TV like France’s Champagne regions and the Allianz Arena in Munich, I just wish I could have stopped off.’

He is now warning other holidaymakers to check the expiry dates on their passports, as his pan-continential journey cost him an additional £3,000 in crossing fees, food and hotels. 

‘I am glad to have made it, but the situation was just so unnecessary,’ he said.

‘I just wish someone, be it easyJet or the UK Passport Office, would have let me know.’

An easyJet spokesperson told MailOnline: ‘Unfortunately Mr Holt was unable to fly to Pula due to their passport not meeting current validity rules. easyJet follows the rules on passport validity as set out by the authorities where we operate. 

‘We remind customers during booking and before they travel to ensure they are aware of the requirements for the destination they are flying to and it is customers’ responsibility to ensure they have valid documentation for travel.’

The legacy of infamous drug lord Pablo Escobar has ignited a fiery dispute among his own flesh and blood, who are now squabbling – and threatening to kill – over a dazzling array of his prized possessions. 

The notorious cocaine kingpin, who was shot and killed in 1993 as he attempted to flee from law enforcement on a rooftop in Medellin, was the proud owner of a jaw-dropping collection of extravagant cars, slick motorbikes, snowmobiles, high-end designer threads and even aeroplanes.

Nicolás Escobar, 53, who proudly proclaims himself ‘Don Pablo’s favourite nephew,’ believes his uncle’s possessions are now rightfully his, and is dedicated to preserving the invaluable articles by staging an exhibition. 

But his very own father, Roberto Escobar, is a former accountant for the cartel. And in true narco fashion, has threatened to kill his own son if he attempts to claim the rights to Pablo’s memorabilia, according to Nicolás. 

‘He [Roberto] still thinks he can do what he wants, that he’s in the mafia, that he is a boss,’ Nicolás said, pointedly addressing his father as ‘that man’ rather than ‘dad’.

‘One day, my sister called me and told me not to try and enter [my father’s] house… If you enter, she told me, someone would kill me, because our father gave the order,’ he told The Telegraph.

For years the prized possessions of the world-famous cartel boss were on display in a museum managed by Roberto. 

A rosy-hued Harley Davidson, a small private jet, a horde of rare photographs and a handgun that allegedly once graced the palm of none other than legendary American gangster Al Capone are just some of the items that were shown to the public. 

Nicolás waxed poetic about the collection, calling it a treasure trove of ‘old and luxurious’ marvels that deserve their place in the limelight.

The museum was very popular with tourists flocking for a glimpse into the high-flying life of the billionaire drug lord, but it was demolished earlier this year when local government officials allegedly discovered the building was constructed without proper permission. 

But others claim officials in Medellin wanted to tear down the museum in an attempt to dissociate the city from its enduring reputation for drug smuggling and violence against law enforcement. 

Nicolás now wants to re-house his uncle’s collection of memorabilia in a new facility, one which would preserve the history of the Escobar legacy without glamorising it. 

‘What Hollywood shows is not real… it wasn’t glamorous,’ Nicolás said. 

But it’s no wonder the late Escobar amassed such a collection of rare and valuable items. 

During his time at the helm of the Medellin Cartel he controlled over 80 per cent of the cocaine shipped to the US, earning him the rank of one of Forbes Magazine’s ten wealthiest people in the world. 

Escobar entered the cocaine trade in the early 1970s, collaborating with other criminals to form the Medellin Cartel.

By the mid-1980s, Pablo Escobar had an estimated net worth of $30 billion and cash was so prevalent that Escobar purchased a Learjet for the sole purpose of flying his money.  

More than 15 tons of cocaine were reportedly smuggled each day, netting the Cartel as much as $420 million a week.

For much of his time at the top of the narco heap, Escobar earned popularity by sponsoring charity projects and soccer clubs, sharing some of his riches with local communities and in doing so was painted as something of a Robin Hood figure.

But terror campaigns run by Escobar’s henchmen resulted in the murder of thousands, and slowly began turning the public against him – all while law enforcement agencies from the US were cooperating with Colombian police to tear down his empire. 

Colombian law enforcement finally caught up to Escobar on December 2, 1993 in a middle-class neighbourhood in Medellin. 

A firefight ensued and, as Escobar tried to escape across a series of rooftops, he and his bodyguard were shot and killed.

A Brazilian father who lost all three of his children to cancer has tragically died from the same disease.

Regis Feitosa Mota, 53, and his children, learned in 2016 that they all had Li-Fraumeni syndrome, or LFS. Among sufferers, 90 percent of men and 70 percent of women go on to develop cancer during their lives.

The economist, from Fortaleza in the northeast of the country, had battled off cancer three times already. But in January this year he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma — a cancer affecting white blood cells.

Eight months later he died, leaving behind his wife Mariella who said the pain was ‘indescribable’ and that she had been sure he would beat the disease.

Their youngest daughter Beatriz died in 2018, aged 10, from leukemia, while their son Pedro died in 2020, aged 22, after suffering a brain tumor. Their eldest Anna Carolina died at the age of 25 last year after also being diagnosed with a brain tumor.

LFS is a condition thought to affect at least one in 20,000 families, and possibly as many as one in 5,000 families. 

Up to 50,000 Americans are thought to have the condition, according to the National Institutes of Health.

The disease is diagnosed via a genetic test with scientists warning it can trigger cancer at any time — although this is more likely to occur at an earlier age.

It is caused by a mutation in the TP53 gene, which means that a protein regulating cell division and triggering cell death when DNA damage is detected does not work.

This raises the risk of cells starting to divide uncontrollably, causing cancer.

People with LFS are most likely to suffer cancers in the bones, muscles and connective tissues as well as breast cancer, brain tumors, leukemia and cancer in the adrenal gland.

But a range of other cancers have also been detected in sufferers, including lung cancer, kidney cancer and cancers in the intestinal tract. 

Mr Mota’s wife, Mariella Pompeu, said after her husband’s death was revealed: ‘My friends, I never imagined making this post.

‘I never prepared myself for this moment because I was always convinced Régis would make a full recovery.

‘It’s an indescribable pain. The ground has opened up and I don’t know what life will be like without his affection, companionship and absolute love.’

His brother Rogério Feitosa Mota said: ‘Our warrior went to meet his children exactly on Father’s Day.

‘May God take you, my brother! We love you so much.’

Mr Mota, was diagnosed with cancer three times between 2016 and 2023.

But in January this year he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma — where  white blood cells start to divide uncontrollably in the bone marrow, crowding out healthy cells.

At the time, he said: ‘We discovered yet another disease. We have already treated lymphocytic leukaemia and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which are now stabilised.

‘But we have been treating them, they are not cured.

‘This time, we discovered multiple myeloma, which even affects the bones.’

Mr Mota said on social media last week that he was in the hospital waiting for a bone marrow transplant.

He passed away in the state of Ceará, Brazil, where Fortaleza is based, on 13 August — Father’s Day in the South American country.

His body was cremated on 14 August in the city.

Adults with LFS have a 50 percent chance of giving birth to a child with the same condition, scientists say.

Hunter Biden‘s former business partner Devon Archer testified to Congress about the then-vice president Joe’s alleged involvement in foreign deals.

During his grilling on Monday, Archer revealed details of the 20 occasions he was on speakerphone or met in person with associates his son was in business with.

Archer also described how Hunter referred to his father as ‘my guy’, the influence of the Biden ‘brand,’ and used him to create the ‘illusion of access.’

In three hours of testimony, he told lawmakers that Joe Biden ‘brought the most value to the brand’. 

Hunter’s deals helped him rake in millions from countries including China, Kazakhstan and Ukraine.

On Thursday, the Republicans on the House Oversight Committee released the transcript in full. 

READ IT BELOW 

Hunter got a PORSCHE after bringing Joe to dinner with a Kazakh oligarch, Archer’s testimony reveals  

According to the full transcript of Hunter Biden’s ex-business partner Devon Archer’s testimony to Congress, Joe Biden’s ‘brand’ protected Burisma from ‘pressure’ and the then-vice president’s intimidating influence directly led to his son receiving huge sums of foreign money – and a $142,300 Porche.

After Archer’s closed-door testimony on Monday to the House Oversight Committee, Republicans said he revealed Joe was directly involved in Hunter’s shady dealings, while Democrats insisted the then-vice president’s involvement was innocent and focused on ‘niceties,’ not business.

According to the transcript obtained by DailyMail.com on Thursday, Archer testified that then-Vice President Joe Biden’s ‘brand’ protected Ukranian oil company Burisma because ‘people would be intimidated to mess with them.’

He confirmed that Hunter put Joe on speakerphone 20 times over a 10 year period, which was a ‘signal’ of ‘value.’

Hunter’s presence on Burisma’s board and access to his father’s ‘brand’ led to the company’s ‘longevity’ because they had the ‘capabilities to navigate D.C.,’ Archer said according to the transcript.

‘I think Burisma would have gone out of business if it didn’t have the brand attached to it. That’s my, like, only honest opinion,’ Archer continued.

Hunter’s best friend and business associate sat with him on Burisma’s board beginning in 2014. They also started Rosemont Seneca Partners, an investment advisory firm, together.

Archer confirmed to lawmakers that Joe sat and had dinner in-person on at least two occasions with Hunter and his foreign business partners, who then wired money almost immediately after to Biden-affiliated companies.

In the spring of 2014, Joe joined Hunter and a handful of his business partners for dinner at Cafe Milano in Washington, D.C., including Kenes Rakishev, Karim Massimov, Yelena Baturina and possibly Eric Schwerin.

Archer confirmed that Joe was present long enough to eat dinner with the group.

Following the dinner, $3.5 million was wired from Russian billionaire Yelena Baturina into Rosemont Seneca Thornton on February 14.

On April 22, $142,300 was wired into the Rosemont Seneca Bohai account from Kenes Rakishev, a businessman from Kazakhstan, who was also at the Cafe Milano dinner.

The payment was made as a gift to Hunter, who received an ‘expensive car.’

Archer told the committee ‘I believe it was a Fisker first and then a Porsche.’

Hunter took a picture himself while driving a Porsche at an incredible 172mph on a highway outside Las Vegas in 2018, according to pictures found on his abandoned laptop. It was not immediately clear if the Porsche gifted to Hunter by Rakishev was the same vehicle.

The then-vice president also sat in on another dinner with Hunter and his partners in 2015 at Cafe Milano, Archer confirmed.

He also said that Hunter Biden would refer to his father as ‘my guy,’ which Republicans noted following the closed-door testimony on Monday.

According to the transcript, Hunter as ‘getting paid a lot of money’ by Burisma and ‘wanted to show value’ by getting credit for Joe Biden’s Ukraine trip in 2014.

‘I can’t guide my father in what he’s going to do on this trip, but let’s get credit for it,’ Archer said Hunter was thinking by referring to his dad as ‘my guy.’

Exhibit 2 in the attachments also showed Hunter, on email as ‘Robert,’ writing to Archer in April 2014 saying ‘our guy needs to set himself up as the anti-Victor Pinchuk (coal and steel oligarch – pro Russian Yanukuvich supporter).

At the time, then-Vice President Joe Biden was leading the U.S. anti-corruption efforts abroad.

Questions had remained about why Archer decided to cooperate with the committee this week after he previously cancelled on the committee at least three times in recent weeks.

Archer, 48, was subpoenaed on June 12 by the House Oversight Committee, which is investigating Hunter’s businesses and whether he and other members of the Biden family improperly traded on their connections.

According to Archer’s opening statement in the transcript, he said ‘it’s been a long decade’ and his entire forties have been ‘mired in fighting the government.’

‘So I want to be cooperative now and maybe we can all be friends. So let’s take it from there,’ he told committee staff and lawmakers.

Archer is facing legal troubles of his own and is expected to go to prison shortly.

We’ll SUBPOENA the Biden family, top Republican says: Rep. James Comer warns more of Hunter’s associates will be brought in to testify – and Joe could end up being witness

• ‘This was always gonna end with the Bidens coming in front of the committee. We are going to subpoena the family,’ Comer, R-Ky., said
• ‘We know that this is going to end up in court when we subpoena the Bidens,’ he added

By Morgan Phillips, U.S. Political Reporter For Dailymail.Com

Published: 11:00 EDT, 10 August 2023 | Updated: 11:48 EDT, 10 August 2023

Defiant Dreams

by Sola Mahfouz and Maliana Kapoor (Doubleday £16.99, 320pp)

At the beginning of her compelling memoir of escape from Afghanistan, Sola Mahfouz writes: ‘I began to grow up the day my mother told me to stop laughing.’

That abrupt end to Sola’s carefree childhood happened just before her 12th birthday in 2008. 

She and her female cousins were bicycling round and round the inner courtyard of the family’s compound in Kandahar, safely out of sight, but audible, as they were giggling and singing a popular Bollywood song. 

Suddenly, something came flying over the wall, and they heard a group of boys laughing and whooping. 

It was two large sacks stuffed with excrement. ‘After that day,’ Sola writes, ‘I listened to my mother’s warnings.’

Her mother was terrified that even a momentary giggle would bring a strange man to the door, ready to kidnap or kill to silence the sounds of a young woman.

And this was during the U.S. occupation of Afghanistan, when you might have thought life would have become easier for women.

In hindsight, we know how short-lived that respite from Taliban rule was to be. 

None of us who watched the unfolding nightmare in 2021 can forget the traumatic sight of young Afghans so desperate to escape from the return of Taliban rule, with its medieval laws and barbaric punishments, that they clung to the sides and wings of a U.S. aircraft as it took off during the chaotic withdrawal of American and British troops.

But Sola’s fascinating book shows how, even during the Nato-controlled interlude, the terror for the citizens of Kandahar (the birthplace and spiritual home of the Taliban) never stopped.

Her mother carried on wearing her burqa, so as not to risk attacks when she went out shopping. And the Afghan burqa, Sola reminds us, is ‘the most confining covering for women in the world’. 

With no sleeves or face openings, except for tiny criss-cross slats to peer through, ‘it strips women of their sense of humanity, reducing them to sky-blue monoliths’.

Random suicide bombings by the Taliban, and abductions of children (their cut-off fingers sent to parents who wouldn’t pay up) made life in the city terrifying.

And it was not just this that made Sola long to escape from her homeland to a better life. ‘Every day,’ she writes, ‘I faced the prospect of two deaths: the death of my body, and the death of my personality, my independence, my girlhood.’

From the moment she turned 12, she was expected to be a full-time skivvy, spending all day in the kitchen cooking elaborate meals for the men and boys of the family, (not allowed to eat with them, subsisting on their leftovers), and also a potential bride, her mother entering into negotiations for her arranged mid-teens marriage.

Her whole soul recoiled from the prospect of surrendering her existence to a man she’d never met, and to living with his family as a domestic drudge and childbearer. 

And she’d seen enough of her own mother’s life under a tyrannical mother-in-law (her grandmother Ana Bibi) to know about mothers-in-law from hell. When Sola was born, Ana Bibi had refused to hold her because she was a girl.

Going to female cousins’ weddings, Sola watched with dismay as they were handed over like cheap bargains in their wedding gowns.

Just reading about Sola’s confined existence made me claustrophobic. Although she was allowed to go to school as a child, her teacher was a sadist, torturing and bullying the girls and whipping them with a long, thin pomegranate branch.

She watched with envy as her brothers got an education, enabling them to study at Western universities.

Seven words of her grandfather’s rang in her ears. ‘English,’ he said, ‘is the window to the world.’

So Sola decided to learn English. Her brother refused to help her. Far from putting her off, his refusal ‘lit a fire’ under her. 

She’d show him what she was capable of. After finishing her chores, she’d stay up half the night doing an online course. It didn’t stop with English. She joined the online Khan Academy to study maths and science from scratch.

On an online language-learning platform, she linked up with an undergraduate at the University of Iowa called Emily, and they became friends.

From the prison of her existence, Sola asked Emily how she could study in the U.S. She told her that she’d need to take the obligatory SAT and IELTS tests. But there was no test centre in Kandahar; the nearest was in Pakistan. 

And she didn’t have a passport (most Afghan women don’t, as they rarely leave the house, let alone the country).

The book becomes a real page-turner as Sola recounts the mental agonies she went through. Her father allowed her to apply for a passport, but on arrival in Pakistan, after a dusty journey, she was told that the exam registration was already full. 

Emily made it her business to make sure a slot was opened up for her.

She passed! And she was offered places at colleges in America. Now she needed a visa. An official at the U.S. embassy in Kabul rejected her. He didn’t believe she was really going there to study.

The New York Times picked up on the story — to Sola’s family’s horror, because they thought this would put them in danger. 

But nothing terrible happened to them — and for Sola, the publicity changed her life. The U.S. embassy rang to say her visa application had been approved.

As she disembarked from the plane at Chicago Airport, Sola removed her headscarf. Emily collected her. 

For the first time in her life, Sola sat in the front of a car, was driven by a woman, saw a man (Emily’s father) do the cooking, had a long, hot shower, saw people drinking alcohol, and cycled along a road rather than round in circles in a compound.

But she hadn’t predicted her acute homesickness, or the culture shock of living in a partying hall of residence. This was by no means an escape into instant happiness.

In 2021, she watched on TV with dismay as the Taliban retook Afghanistan, before the U.S. and UK had even withdrawn. 

Her parents managed to escape over the border in a car, but, horrifically, it flipped over, trapping her mother underneath, leaving her a quadriplegic.

Sola is now a quantum computing researcher at Tufts University in Massachusetts. Quite an achievement.